Journey Into Better Relationships

We are all made for relationships. God created Adam and placed him in the Garden of Eden. It was a perfect paradise for the Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground- trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food (Genesis 2:9a). It was a place of incomparable food, beauty, aroma, and tranquility. However, in the midst of Paradise what did God say about Adam in Genesis 2:18a?

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One of the cruelest punishments is solitary confinement because the absence of relationships is severe torture. Many people today are in a solitary confinement of their own making because they don’t know the foundation for better relationships.

God created us specifically for a special relationship with Himself. God didn’t just need someone to tend the garden; He could have sent an angel to do that. However, the relationship God established was shattered when Adam and Eve disobeyed Him and sinned.

Without a relationship with God, all our human relationships are marred. The love required in human relationships comes only from God. You can’t really love your spouse, children, neighbors, associates at school or work, unless God’s love flows through your life. According to Romans 5:5b, how does God’s love come into our lives?

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When God inspired Paul to list the fruit of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23, love is first. Love is like a painter’s canvas. Unless we have the agape love of God in our hearts, none of the other things God wants in our lives have anything to which they can adhere. Many marriages fail and relationships are destroyed because the lack of a relationship with God causes all other relationships to suffer.

The thirteenth chapter of 1 Corinthians is the greatest passage ever written about relationships. The believers at Corinth thought that spiritual gifts, especially speaking in tongues, were the ultimate manifestation of spirituality and God’s approval. There were divisions, confusion, and contention in the church about the most important gift. After discussing the spiritual gifts, what does Paul say in the last phrase of 1 Corinthians 12:31 as an introduction to the great love chapter?

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In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul declares love is the atmosphere in which all gifts, ministry, and relationships must operate in order to be pleasing to God. In this chapter we find that love is the foundation for better relationships, and there are two things we must understand about love.

First, we must understand the classifications of love.

One problem we encounter as we begin to discuss relationships is there are different kinds of love. In English we have only one word for love, and we use it to express our love for our cars, favorite foods, pets, spouses, and children. However, in Greek, the original language of the NT, there are four words for love.

First, there is the word eros (air-os) that refers to sensual or physical attraction. It is the word from which we get our English word "erotic." This word is never used in the NT.

Second, there is the word phileo (phi-lay-oh), which describes the love between brothers and sisters. We get our English word "Philadelphia," which means "brotherly love" from this word. It is often translated friend in the NT. How is the word philos (friend) used to describe Jesus in Matthew 11:19?

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The third Greek word for love is storge (store-gay), which is love for family. It usually refers to the love between parents and children. Finally, there is agape (uh-gah-pay), which is sacrificial love that will give all for the one loved. Do you know which of these you need in a good marriage? All four!

There must be eros; therefore, husbands and wives should work hard to keep up their physical appearance and to court their partners. They should be attractive to one another. While the word eros doesn’t appear in the Bible, sensual love and physical attraction as God intended between a husband and a wife is described in some detail in Song of Solomon (see Song of Solomon 5:10-16 & 7:1-13).

Phileo is also necessary, for husbands and wives must do things together, learn to enjoy one another’s company, and be best friends. There must also be storge because the family must take precedence over everything but God. And, of course, agape is necessary because both husbands and wives must put each other’s needs above their own and be willing to make any sacrifice for the benefit of the other.

The greatest manifestation of God in our lives is not our faith, the number of Bible verses we can quote, believing certain doctrines, nor attending a particular church. First Corinthians 13 declares that agape love is the greatest manifestation of God in a believer’s life. Agape love identifies us as followers of Christ. What did Jesus declare in John 13:35?

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Without agape love we can never have the kind of relationships Jesus said would identify His followers. To have the foundation for better relationships, we must understand the classifications of love, and . . .

Second, we must realize the consequences of not loving.

In 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 Paul lists four consequences of not loving.

1. All we say is just noise. How does 1 Corinthians 13:1 declare this truth?

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The word tongues (glossa) means languages. The tongues of men and of angels refers to the greatest possible eloquence, oratory, and articulation of speech in languages of heaven and earth. No language of heaven or earth has real meaning without love.

A resounding gong refers to a loud noise created by striking a large metallic disk. It is used as a signal. The clanging cymbal refers to the circular, slightly concave brass plate used as a percussion instrument that is struck with a drumstick. Cymbals are also used in pairs and struck together. The repeated clashing of a cymbal alone makes irritating, meaningless sounds. Like a gong or cymbal, without the accompaniment of an orchestra or band, all our words are just noise without love.

The number one complaint to marriage counselors is "We can’t seem to communicate." The basic reason people do not communicate is failing to obey the command in Ephesians 4:15a. What is it?

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Communication with a spouse, child, friend, co-worker, or whomever is not so much what we have to say as how we say it. No relationship can survive very long without speaking in love because in relationships without love all we say is just noise.

2. All we know is negated. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:2a: If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge . . . but have not love, I am nothing. You can be as brilliant as Albert Einstein or as wise as Solomon, but without love in your relationships, all you know is negated.

You can memorize the entire Bible, but without love, it means nothing. As someone has said, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care." How does the Bible express this principle in the last sentence of 1 Corinthians 8:1?

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If we don’t love, our knowledge causes us to be puffed up with pride and hurts our relationships rather than helping them.

The consequences of not loving are all we say is just noise, all we know is negated, and . . .

3. All our faith means nothing. And if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2b). If we do not love, our faith means nothing to God or anyone. Being a Christian is much more than just believing the Bible and that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose from the dead. The real question is not what we believe about Jesus, but what difference He has made in our lives. What difference has Jesus made in how you behave at home, at school, at work, etc.?

The Bible does say that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). But what kind of faith? How does Galatians 5:6b answer this question?

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The prophet Jonah had great faith. It was because of his faith in the power of God’s Word that he resisted going to Nineveh to preach. Because of his lack of love, he did not want the sinful Ninevites to be saved from a horrible judgment. After the whale experience, Jonah went to Nineveh and preached, bringing great revival there. However, Jonah’s faith meant nothing because the only faith that pleases God is one that expresses itself through love.

The consequences of not loving are all we say is just noise, all we know is negated, all our faith means nothing, and . . . 

4. All our sacrifices are nullified. Paul writes: If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing (1 Corinthians 13:3). Agape love is always self-sacrificing, but self-sacrifice doesn’t necessarily come from love. Many Nazis of World War II gave their lives for their cause, but their motive was not love.

One man said, "I have worked hard all my life to give my wife a new house, a nice car, and now she is divorcing me." Why? Because without love, it all means nothing. That’s why no one’s last words have ever been "I wish I had spent more time at the office."

The essential foundation for improving relationships is agape love. We must love when our spouse acts like a jerk or when people are difficult at work, school, church, or wherever. We must love with an agape love because of the command Jesus gave in John 13:34, which is:

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Only with Jesus Christ in our hearts can we obey that command. First Corinthians 13 is simply a word picture of Jesus Christ because He is agape love in flesh and blood.

In order to make love the foundation of all our relationships, we must understand the classifications of love, and we must realize the consequences of not loving. What do you need to do this week to establish or to improve the foundation for better relationships in your life?

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